Tunnel Vision
- shaecaragher
- Jul 2, 2019
- 4 min read
Updated: Dec 6, 2019
As someone with anxiety, my mind often operates in a manner that I like to call “tunnel vision” Often, when I think about a certain situation or thing or event, I only see it in one way and typically, that way is very skewed. If you all are familiar with CBT and cognitive distortions, for me, tunnel vision is kind of a fusion between black-and-white thinking, magnifying, minimizing, and a little bit of filtering tossed into the mix.
Ok, let me give an example so we can all be on the same page. Think of a tunnel. You’re on a train through the Swiss Alps or something pretty and then the train starts to approach a tunnel. It’s dark, all consuming, you get to a point in the tunnel where there is no light - you can’t see anything behind or ahead of you… it’s completely dark. I love English so obviously I’m going to make this a metaphor. There is no light in the tunnel - you are completely consumed by the situation or experience. No light from behind takes away your past experiences to use as knowledge for the present. In life, we have experiences that we (hopefully) learn and grow from. We didn’t study for a test, completely bombed it, and know that next time we really need to study (whether we do that or not… well that’s a different story). With tunnel vision though, those past experiences are completely void. It’s almost as if they have no merit in helping you through this present situation. THEN to just throw this fun one in there too, the future is also completely invisible. The pain, suffering, and fear that you are completely consumed by right now, feels like it will last forever. Whenever I have a depressive episode and I sit on the floor of my shower, staring at the water droplets, I feel like it will never end. “I’m going to feel this way forever” The depression is all consuming. It affects every thought and every action. I am suddenly incapable of remembering last month’s depressive episode and how it ended and how I coped. I am suddenly unable to realize that this one, just like the last one will end as well. On a more minor scale, whenever I have a test or paper due, I completely FREAK out. That test is ALL I can think about. I feel like this anxiety and fear will never end. I am unable to remember that just last week I felt this way, then took the test and felt better. I don’t recognize that just like last time, this stress will also go away.
Tunnel vision is exhausting, to be completely honest and I think that everyone has experienced it to some degree. Sometimes I feel like I have this innate ability to remember completely irrelevant moments in my life, completely BLOW them out of proportion, then focus my entire life on them. For someone who is always bouncing off the walls, all over the place, extremely extroverted and BLAH, and full of just random ideas and spontaneity, I am able to focus on one thing with an insane amount of intensity. Accidentally wave to someone? I will think about it for DAYS. “They must think I’m crazy!” “What if they think I like them…” “Should I message them and apologize” “AH I’M SO AWKWARD!” I look at the situation from every angle, like a scientist researching germ-theory who spends all day hunched over a microscope. But in reality, the person probably didn’t even see me and I am most definitely blowing things out of proportion.
So how exactly do we cope with this? Should we even try to cope with this?
To answer the second question first (yay for organization!), I think it is incredibly important to acknowledge the tunnel vision and work to cope with it. I remember when I was very suicidal, a big part of it was because I felt like that pain would never end. The pain, anxiety, depression, eating disorder… all that crap was all consuming; there was seemingly no hope for the future. The future, or better yet, a better future seemed impossible. If this tunnel vision erases possibilities of hope, growth, and healing, then that is so damaging. So yes, I think it is important to try to cope with this. But, how? Ah, the important question and the harder one to answer. I don’t know if there is any one way to try and cope with this tunnel vision. As someone who has done a good chunk of CBT (cognitive behavioral therapy), I have found that to help. It gave me the coping skills to recognize when my thoughts are distorted, and recognizing that a thought is skewed is the first step in reframing it. Also, I journal every day. Ok, ok, I know some you HATE journaling and that’s fine! For me though, it has been so helpful in making me recognize that I have experienced this before and got through it. It is so much easier to do something or at least attempt something when you know you have succeeded in it before. For example the first time you jump out of a plane, speak in front of an audience, ask a girl/guy out, go on a date etc. is always the hardest. But the next time is easier because you know that you have done it already. If you hate journaling, I think it’s important to at least write down these experiences or have someone that can keep you accountable. My mom (aka my life saver) so much of the time has to be my rational voice when I am blocked from all sides. Someone or something to remind you of success from the tunnel… to remind you that there is light at the end of the tunnel is so key and I believe one of the most important aspects in getting through that darkness.
Here are some links to a few worksheets that have really helped me - let me know if the help, or suck, or are weird, or whatever! Here’s to kicking the tunnel vision booty!
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