change

I hate change. In fact on this psychology test called Strengthsfinders, the ’adaptability’ trait was number 30 out of 34… meaning it is not something that I excel in. I remember in 2008, when I knew nothing about politics and didn’t realize how much I’d miss Obama, I disliked him solely because his slogan was “CHANGE” I saw that and (again please note, I knew nothing about politics, taxes, foreign policy etc.) thought, “Why would anyone want that?” I cried for 3 days when my parents announced we were painting our house green, “BUT I LOVE THE YELLOW HOUSE!!!,” I screamed and dramatically ran off to cry in the bushes. In France, I had such a drastic reaction to change, that it partially contributed to my development of an eating disorder. Looking back on these things, I can’t help but laugh. All, well, most of them are big reactions to pretty small things. The place that I am interning, not even the actual place, the building where the office is LOCATED is rebranding, and shocker, I hate it. I know all of this is irrational, and don’t worry, I’m working on it with my therapist, but for some reason change on the most minor of scales, causes the biggest reactions. But what about big change? Shockingly enough, I’m [usually] not bothered by big change. In fact, I want to enact change, but this idea of change in my life is an anxiety-inducing machine! There are some times when change - whether that be of scenery, location, people, cities, subjects etc. - isn’t anxiety inducing, but rather exciting, and good.

The most prominent example I can think of is travelling. I crave travel; I love to experience new places, people, ways of doing and living, a new culture, even just a new view. Change is the essence of traveling; if you don’t come back from travels with something changing within you - whether it be a better understanding of a culture, a new food you tried, even something as simple as discovering a new restaurant, then were you really travelling? I think people get this huge idea in their head that they have to get on a plane and leave everything they know to “travel” But I count some of best travels as those that happened within my own state or even my own city. There is an Instagram caption that I always see and that I think is a total cliché, albeit accurate, that says, “Tourists in our own city” While cliché, I find the underlying meaning of it incredibly accurate: you can travel within your own city. While change is the essence of travel, so is discovery, and with discovery comes change. You can discover within your own neighborhood; there are new restaurants and landmarks that I see while walking down streets around my house that I’ve never seen before. I discover, so I change.

Just like travel (while wonderful) is difficult, change is also not easy; it comes through difficult circumstances, or a recognition of them. It stems from a wanting or a longing for something bigger than yourself. You can change on an individual level through your perspective, your mindset, and your beliefs. Change also exists on a larger scale from businesses rebranding, or even larger scales like new laws being introduced, to systematic changes such as tackling racism or misogyny. As you can see, change is not easy. That is why I believe just as change is the essence of travel, travel is also the essence of change.

I’m going to do a little vocabulary/history lesson so bare with me (I swear there’s a point). The English word “travel” stems from the middle English word “travel” which in turn is a variant oof the Old French word “travail” (which as a side note comes from the Latin word “trepalium” meaning “instrument of torture”) To make my point, so I don’t bore you to tears with my etymology, the simple word we know as “travel,” meaning “to make a journey” stems from a history of words meaning torture, toil, and a painful or laborious effort. In French, the world “travailler” means “to work” I could never remember this meant work and not travel, because you’d instinctively think they were the same. The word “travel” literally came from “work”, and while the root of change doesn’t stem back to work, that is what’s required for effective change to emerge.

Perhaps I don’t like change because it is hard work. Not saying that I am scared of hard work, but I think I am just so exhausted and more hard work sounds, well, even more exhausting. Change takes one out of their comfort zone, another reason I see travel as the essence of change. You are forced to open your eyes to something new and learn. Through that learning and seeing, you change. You have to adjust to changes of any size; you must be pushed outside of your comfort zone through any change. Think about it, a crazy hairstyle change or learning a new language or going on a date or eating healthy - these are all changes that force you to take a step outside your comfort zone, to be ok with something new… to become ok with something new.

But change doesn’t always need to be grandiose - in fact most large scale change comes small scale or even individual changes. I watched the sunrise with my friend from Egypt last week and it was one of the most incredible things I think I have ever seen. We walked to the end of the pier and the sky turned this perfect golden color, with streaks of purple, a soft and silky pink, and the blueness barely breaking through. The water was calm. The golden rays of the sun peaking over the mountains reflected onto the water and then, over the horizon, a mango colored burst of line shone through. It was truly incredible - unlike anything I’ve ever seen. I kept saying, “Wow! This is amazing!” or “It’s so pretty” or “I can’t believe this!” He laughed and simply said, “Wait until you see the sunrise in Cairo” I begged for details to which he responded, “I cannot describe it, it must be seen” He went on to describe some of it, but didn’t want to ‘spoil the ending.’ I realized in that moment, standing on the edge of the pier watching the sunrise over the mountains, that when I go to Cairo next semester, this sunrise will change, but it is still going to be the same sun. It might not rise over mountains and reflect onto the water, but it will still be the same mango-colored sun I see in Santa Barbara, that my parents will see in Los Angeles, that my friends in New York and Paris and New Zealand will see. To put this metaphor into something digestible, something may seem like it’s a huge change, but in reality, the changes are only subtle. The sunrise in Cairo will look different, but it’s the same, beautiful sun I see here at home. Sometimes change isn’t as big as we make it out to be. Sometimes change is as simple as a change in image, when the underlying colors, structure, and composition are all the same. Change can come with an adjustment of perspective, and when we adjust our perspective on something, the core of it remains the same, but how we view it, is now drastically different.

While I may not adapt well to change, I see the value in change on all levels. Without change, there is no progress, and without progress there are no improvements - of knowledge, society, human rights etc. Change is necessary for advancement both in how we interact with people and this world.