bittersweet...

Hi! I think I can speak for all of us when I say, “We’re tired!” But I can also speak for all us when I say, “Wow… this is amazing!” The exhaustion is rooted in many different things. In my last post (the dis-comfort zone) I discussed the difficulties that come with travel, but how overall, it is the most rewarding experience. In addition to the trials of travel, immersing yourself into a school, lesson planning, and teaching English, math, and science… well it’s bound to be difficult!

With that, a group of 5 other students and I spent the past week at an organization called Life Bridge teaching English, math, science, crafts, and music. Life Bridge is a school dedicated to educating refugee children, many from Myanmar escaping the Rohingya genocide there. In Malaysia, the government does not recognize refugees, therefore children of refugees are left stateless and not allowed into schools and the like. A last minute opportunity, Life Bridge proved to be one of the most difficult, exhausting, heartbreaking, yet rewarding, fulfilling, and heart bursting learning experiences. The 6 of us were broken up into groups of 2 and taught 1st, 3rd, and 4th grade classes. We spent Sunday night lesson planning, excitedly hovering over craft ideas and storybooks; not quite knowing the level of English we tried to find a range of lesson plans.

Arriving at school Monday morning however, most of us had to throw our original lesson plan out the window as the kid’s level of English was amazing! Bridget (my partner) and I, sat stressed about how to engage 1st graders. Singing songs? Can they write and spell? Could we write and spell in 1st grade? Reading? We tossed around idea after idea before immersing ourself into the class. I think we both underestimated the energy level of 1st graders. On a good day, there were twenty kids running around, jumping up and down, yelling “Teacher” as they "worked" on a math problem set… we both agreed that elementary school teachers are truly angels from heaven. Ok, ok this sounds pretty negative so far, but don’t worry, I’m just setting the scene.

To say the last day was “rough” would be an understatement, but for completely different reasons. Bridget and I stood behind the whiteboard and cried as the kids spent their coloring time copying down the phrase “Be Kind” and writing little notes to us. To see the joy on the faces of these children who we had spent everyday with was one of the most joyful things I could think of. The morning before we left for Malaysia, we did a devotional which said, “God does some of the greatest things when we are out of our comfort zone” That was something that has stuck with me throughout this entire experience so far. I am a very controlling person. I like to have a plan for the most part and a little spontaneity here and there is always fun and exciting. But something I learned this past week is that you can plan and plan and plan but something will always change and it is in that moment where you have a choice: shut down and freak out OR readjust and embrace the new space you have traveled to… outside of your comfort zone. Day 1 I was extremely outside of my comfort zone. I was tired, hot, hungry, and felt like I was getting nowhere. But I remembered my American nature of “let’s get everything perfect as quickly as possible” So, we went home and lesson planned for the next day. We tried not to shut down… completely and to readjust and embrace the fact that we were lightyears from our comfort zone. And we did it again until finally the last day that dis-comfort zone began to feel more and more comfortable.

Think about your favorite pair of jeans. They fit your body amazingly and you know that those jeans will always fit the same when you slip them on. Now, you accidentally throw them in the dryer! They come out and are tight and weird and most definitely not your jeans. But the more you wear them, the more days you spend with those jeans, the more they become comfortable again. You can’t expect your comfort zone to become comfortable if you never spend any time in it. By the last day of teaching, Life Bridge felt like a part of my daily routine. Those kids smiling faces were the highlight of my day. They were still those rambunctious little kids but we now knew their names and spending time with them was a gift rather than an exhausting task. So yes, the first and last day were both “rough” but for completely different reasons. Day 1: being immersed into something incredibly uncomfortable, trying to figure out how to navigate something new… it was exhausting. The last day: realizing that discomfort had transformed into a comfort zone and leaving it would now be uncomfortable.

Last night, during our devotional, we listened to a song called Uncomfortable by Andy Mineo. There is one verse that says, “Comfort be the thing that'll make a king fall/Eyes on the Lord, gotta grip that blade of the sword/ Tell me how you plan on gettin' swole if you don't ever get sore” Hard work is uncomfortable. Think about going to the gym, or going to medical school, or training for a marathon, or trying to learn a new language… none of that is easy, none of that “feels good” during the process. In the end though, you get stronger, you get a medical degree, you finish the marathon, and vous parlez une autre langue. Spending time in the place that makes you least comfortable, will ultimately be the place where you grow in comfort.

This past week was not easy. We got back late at night and sat down with the realization that tomorrow would be the same difficult day. But this past week was so needed. We needed to recognize that we couldn’t breeze by, passively. We needed to recognize that in the discomfort is where we find comfort. I’ll keep you all updated, soon :)